As I am on my hands and knees futilely pulling grass away from the flowers and the bushes I realize I am merely human and I can only be me. It seems like I should have figured this out at age 43 but I didn’t. I had to pull grass and listen to Tyler Stenson on my MP3 player.
I stop and sit on a rock breathing in and out and admiring my view. The grass has overtaken the beautiful landscape and yet flowers still appear. I am merely human and I make mistakes that harm those I love. I am impulsive with a hint of bipolar and yet I am still standing and can still smile. I can admire the sunrise or a beautiful spider web. I can apologize and repent. Yet I still make mistakes and I will continue to make mistakes because I am not perfect. I try desperately every day to not hurt those I love but my defenses kick in and I rebel.
I can connect with an animal better than I can a person. Animals are so simple and oh so forgiving. If only humans could be so forgiving. Animals never forget what you did to them but they forgive you and move forward. They are wary if you start to do something you did that scared them but they let you know that they love you anyway.
Life is so short and I cannot dwell on every bad thing I have ever done. I believe that each day is a new day and I can only live in the moment. Just as I pull the grass, I know that it will keep coming back unless I spray poison and completely destroy it. I cannot keep punishing myself for all the mistakes I have made or I will destroy myself. So I keep moving forward and try everyday to enjoy the sunrise and the sunset and all the in-between.