In the middle of the lake my heart races, palms sweat, and I have an urge to scream. I am not so fond of water especially when I can’t see the bottom. At five years old, I was too young to watch Jaws, however, my brother and I decided to watch it and to this day my subconscious has a battle with my conscious mind. Sharks live in the ocean not in a lake in the middle of Wyoming! Regardless of reality if something brushes my foot and I can’t see it; irrational thoughts and fear take over. Thankfully, I am in a canoe safe and dry.
Fishing for me is not all about catching a fish. My abilities at catching a fish are poor considering, it has been a long while since I have actually caught anything that wasn’t green and slimy and attached to the rock my lure just got hooked on. But I still try because fishing is about patience and I long to have patience and peace when the world around me makes little sense.
On the lake in with the wind blowing and the boat rocking I can have some excitement with a hint of fear. I fear the boat will tip and the water is cold and the distance to shore seems to lengthen with the thought of swimming to it. This type of fear is something I would rather deal with than the fear of possibly losing my job or the lack of logic that comes with working for the state. Everyday I go to work it seems like the administration couldn’t get more absurd and yet they find another way to do it. They scramble around trying to do a job that quite frankly some of the powers that be never deserved. This world where people become friends and then give each other promotions into administrative jobs for which they have little knowledge or ability to do. And now as they are being surveyed they seem to run around like rats in a cage trying to run down the right tunnel before they get a jolt of electricity. And all the while treating those that are working there everyday directly with the clients they serve very, very poorly.
As I attempt to catch a fish and conquer my fear I fight to find balance. I cast and recast my spinner breathing in and out slowly; concentrating on where I think those fish will be and gathering peace for the upcoming work week. Fishing isn’t all about catching a fish it is about being in the mountains surrounded and protected by nature. I find peace with nature and a calm that I try to keep when I am in the busy world.With every outward breath I send compassion and understanding to the powers that be and hope that they will realize that it isn’t about treating people poorly to make them work harder. It is about treating everyone you meet with dignity and respect and every once in a while patting a person on the back and saying good job, you are appreciated!