Life is funny in so many ways that I must step back and relax. Where I work I always feel like I fell down the rabbit hole and am Alice wondering why I am hanging out with a pack of cards painting white roses red. Constantly standing in place, while the world spins violently out of control. “Off with their heads!” is what I hear as another person is put on administration leave for making a mistake due to being overworked.
I breathe in and out slowly and realize that life is so much easier when you step back and observe. The only power we truly have in this world is how we react to each situation. Even that can be difficult when emotions overpower us. I learned to breath through yoga and it has saved me in so many ways. I used to react emotionally to people and want to fight back with words. But now I breathe in and out slowly and allow time to observe the world around me as if I were behind a glass door, untouchable.
It can be difficult abstaining from giving feedback or being sarcastic; but I have found peace in it. I breathe in and out and visualize love and compassion for myself and the world around me.
When I had meningitis at 21, I experienced the most profound revelation. I felt powerful for a moment in time. I lost what I learned and only now am being guided slowly back by reading books by others who have come to the same conclusions. The world needs love; love of self, love of each other, love of nature.
I was extremely weak after I had meningitis and it left me exhausted just to walk from the couch to the bathroom. I was determined to get my strength up and be strong again. Every day I would walk a little bit further than the day before.
One morning with notebook and pen in hand I made it to the front porch. When I reached the stairs, I sat for hours exhausted but elated. I was alive in this grand, beautiful world. I was given a second chance and my slate was clean. I felt reborn and like a child fascinated by the world around me. I absorbed everything through my senses. That morning I sat listening to the sounds around me staring at the trees. I was noticing every leaf and every blade of grass and then suddenly I saw it. The connection between all living things. Just for a brief second I saw the web of life, the connection between all things, it was as if my eyes were open and I could see that everything in this universe is connected by an invisible thread. I was awe stuck and unimaginably happy. I understood the universe and that I was part of something bigger and greater than myself. I have been lost for the last 20 years as if that understanding was just in the back of my mind but I was too busy living in a world that constantly bombards us with distractions. Now I am coming home. I am connecting to the world again and I can feel peace once more.