My desk has a computer on it, as well as, a printer and photos of my children. I have a theory that organization is for the birds. I try to make it look neat and tidy when company comes, but how I do this is not by any means neat and tidy. I have six drawers and I open them and push everything into the desk, close the drawer and like magic it is clean. I know later I will take the time to sort it out, but for the time being I am happy with this system.
My desk area is also my sanctuary, it is where I go to write and think. I try to find peace, but unfortunately that is not always the case my desk is in the living room with the couch and the TV. It is where my children are most days and quiet is not a luxury I can enjoy. However I do find time to read and write my stories and occasionally when I am doing my homework I am welcomed by a disruption from my children.
When they are gone the silence is almost deafening and I find myself searching for something to do like organizing my desk drawers. So as I looked in my desk I found three items that made me smile. They were an orange rubber ball, a hair tie, and a pen. The rubber ball is my son, Benjamin’s he got it out of a quarter machine at the grocery store. I remember those as a child and I remember you only needed a penny, but it was always the best part of shopping with mom. I love watching how excited he is when he has some change and he is even more excited when he has two quarters so he can buy his sister something.
He loves to see how high the ball will bounce and the kitchen floor is the best place for doing this. It is always fun until something breaks and the way those balls bounce it is almost inevitable that something will at least get knocked off the counter. I tell them that they can’t bounce balls in the house. I see the look of disappointment on his face and there is a pull in me that would like to let him continue. I remember being a child and not caring, however regrettably the mother in me is too strong. The realization that everything costs money and that you have to work for it is stronger than the long lost childhood instinct and desire to just have fun for the sake of having fun.
The other item in my desk is a hair tie it is pink and it belongs to my daughter. I smile, thinking how wonderful it would be to put her hair up in all kinds of beautiful braids. But since she was a baby she has hated her hair brushed no matter how much conditioner or de-tangling spray I put in it she would always cry when I would try to get a tangle out. I used to loath brushing her hair. It was always such a chore, but now that she is nine she can brush her own hair. Occasionally she lets me French braid it and she tries to be brave but as I watch how she tenses up her shoulders and fights back tears I am reminded of when my sister would brush my hair. I would get so excited when she would French braid my hair because it meant she wanted to spend time with me. I would try so hard to not cry because like my daughter, Willow, I have a sensitive head. No matter how hard I would try I would eventually cry and beg her to not pull so hard. She would get frustrated and annoyed and say, “Beauty’s painful. Don’t you want to be beautiful?” I would just shrug and bite my tongue. I told Willow this story but she already knows she is beautiful, so she doesn’t believe me that it has to hurt. However after I am done with braiding Willow runs to the mirror to see how beautiful she looks as she admires each side and then runs quickly to find her dad to seek his approval.
The third item I find is a pen. I have always believed that the written word is far more powerful than anything on this earth. I have always had a passion for reading and writing and I understand how it important it is to do both well. I began reading to my children before they could walk and I have a house full of books. My father once commented on the fact that he never knew any other children that had so many books. I wanted my love of reading to be passed down to my children no matter what it took to get there. Even when my son was struggling with reading and would repeatedly tell me how much he hated it I would search everywhere to find a method that worked. I was not going to let him quit. And now I am happy to say he loves reading and every night both he and his sister read before bedtime. I can breath a sigh of relief now because they now know what I have known for a long time that the pen is truly mightier than the sword.
My desk is the place I find peace but my children are truly the thing that sets my mind at ease. Watching children grow and learn is by far the most pleasant thing I can think of at this point in time. To hear children’s laughter while I write makes my heart soar and my mind wander to happier times and pleasant childhood memories. I can also handle the occasional interruption because I know that someday they will no longer need me and I will be free to write and remember everything I need too.